Getting Your Ex Back:  The Top 5 Worst Mistakes Women Make

This is a continuation of the 10 most common mistakes made when trying to win back an ex-lover.

6) Asking Someone To Speak On Your Behalf

Bringing in a third party to speak to your ex is always wrong. These types of three-way communication games didn't work in high school, and they certainly won't work now. Asking one of your own friends to speak to your ex-boyfriend for you will only serve to piss him off: he's going to resent you bringing these outsiders into the situation. It also hurts your chances of a reunion, because even if he wants to get back with you he now has to deal with the knowledge that your friends probably know everything about your break up.

Trying to speak to him through his own friends is even worse. They're always going to look out for your ex boyfriend's best interests, and he's going to feel embarassed that you're trying to communicate through them. This move also smacks of desperation. Any communication after the break up should be directly between the two of you... and if you're smart, that communication won't come until after things have been given a chance to settle down.

Flirting with His Friends

7) Trying to Flirt With His Friends

You'd be amazed at how many women actually do this. Flirting with your ex-boyfriend's buddies is one of the worst ways to win him back. He's going to hate you for it, he'll never forget you did it, and it will always be awkward to be around that friend if and when you ever get back together.

Even if you convince yourself that you've got innocent intentions, breeding jealousy between you and your ex is not the right way to repair a relationship. Doing this with another guy would be bad enough, but involving his friends is ten times worse. You're not only driving a wedge between you and your ex, you're also alienating yourself from his circle of friends. No true friend of his would ever flirt back with you, and the ones that do aren't his friends to begin with. You're trading a few moments of jealousy for a lifetime of disrespect. Don't do it.

8) Stalking, Spying, Or 'Accidentally' Running Into Him

One of the first steps to get back an ex boyfriend involves giving him the space that he needs. Your ex might be tired, bored, sick of fighting... or maybe he just needs to think about things for a while. Whatever his reasons for breaking up with you, each of you needs to take a giant step back.

You cannot do this if you're stalking him. Spying on your ex, driving past his house, or watching over his every activity will always be detrimental to you getting back together. Even if you try to convince yourself that you "just want to see how he's doing", it's never as innocent as that. Forget about him finding out (which would be bad enough) - you need to mentally and emotionally let go of your boyfriend in order to reach the state of mind necessary to start piecing your relationship back together.

If your ex-boyfriend finds out you've been staking out his house, job, or daily activities, he's going to label you as psychotic. This isn't an easy stigma to overcome. You're not going to convince him that you just 'happened to be in the neighborhood' either, so steer clear of anywhere you might see him - especially in the beginning.

9) Sleeping With Him To Get Him Back

After a breakup, you may be willing to do just about anything to get your man back. And if one of those things includes sleeping with him, things between you could get sticky and awkward when you'd rather they got closer and more comfortable. Falling into bed with your ex may make you both feel good... temporarily. But when morning comes, there's likely to be some very unwanted repercussions.

Sex With Ex Boyfriend

Sex never works as a crowbar to get back into a broken relationship. In most cases, you'll only end up feeling more used and confused than you did before. This is because a man often views sex a lot differently than a woman. Men are able to separate the physical aspects of intercourse more easily from the emotional ones, whereas women tend to view sex as a more intimate act between lovers.

If you sleep with your ex-boyfriend, be prepared for what might happen. You cannot take intercourse as simple proof that your ex still cares for your relationship. The night you spent together could very well have been nothing but a momentary physical act between two people sharing a past history. If that's the extent of his thoughts on what just happened, this could really hurt you badly.

Don't bank on a great night of sex to be the super-glue that somehow magically repairs your romance. Sex should never be used as a weapon during the relationship, so it shouldn't be used as a tool to make your ex want you back. On the flip side of the coin, don't let your man dangle sex over your head as a carrot either. If you've got an ex boyfriend proposing you sleep with him as a condition of making up, you should seriously examine whether or not you want this guy back in the first place.

10) Taking Revenge Upon Him

The absolute worst possible thing you could do, seeking vengance on your ex because he broke up with you is the surest way to lose him forever. It doesn't matter how bad the breakup was, or how badly he may have treated you... if you ever want a long-term relationship with this man again, you're going to have to swallow any plans for revenge.

It's natural to feel hurt by someone, and it's also natural to want that person to experience the same type of pain you're currently going through. Retribution has been a part of human nature since the dawn of time. But instead of picking up that sword of vengance, try to remember that this is someone you still care for. This is someone you'd like to one day build a life with again. Now imagine his reaction when he finds out you're planning to hurt him purely out of spite.

Revenge will always be counterproductive to your agenda of winning him back. Whether you're keying his car or sleeping with someone else to get back at him for dumping you, these are things you can never take back. Later on, when you're trying to patch things up, these will be the things you'll be apologizing for (and wishing you never did). He'll have to get over these actions in order to want a relationship with you again, and odds are he never will. In the back of his mind, these things will always nag at him. And although he might say he forgives you, he probably doesn't.

Having a girlfriend with a history of taking revenge is also an extremely undesirable trait in a long-term partner. You'll get much more respect from your ex by handling your break up maturely, without doing anything to damage a future reunion with him. Acting out in anger is always the worse possible move.

Getting Back With Your Ex - Other Resources

To learn more about the pitfalls to avoid during reconciliation, check out The Magic of Making Up. This ultimate guide to relationship repair will set you exactly where you need to be: on the right path to winning back your ex boyfriend.

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